The pain makes me feel alive, weird as it sounds. Logically, it would seem that it is others that cause you pain but I wouldn't like to think so at certain times. I don't blame you but myself, developing this pent up hope and bliss which only gets seemingly shot down.
I will only tell you that I am because I will be. I'd like to believe that I have a good ability to self rationalize. I'd only tell you that it does not bug me because I am able to. Emotions are a double-edged sword in which, as odd as it is, it either builds you up to be the epitome of the moments or it simply drives you to pit of despair.
It helps me feel, it helps me experience pain through pleasure. In all things, a balance is achieved. Without mishaps, there is no success. Without wrongs, there are no rights. Without pain, there is no pleasure.
As difficult as it is to best describe what it is that I feel tonight, I will say that it feels good to some degree. I choose to refrain from villain-zing you because I can. I will only appear happy because I am able to.
Disgruntled as I am, I am glad for this pain because it reminds what it is like to feel.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
You make me smile...
There is no explanation for I could simply cycle through what you have heard before but to be honest, from your giggle to your wit, I just can't explain it. Whether or not I get what I think I'd want, what we share is beyond my selfish being.
I have been sheepishly living for myself for the time being though with you, I seem to change. Others seemingly note of the difference with your presence and I cannot deny it. A few have come to despise what I have become as of result but I love it. It almost seems that I turn into the person I ought to be instead of what they want me to be.
For many reasons, I think it is impossible but for other reasons, I still hope. It is not to your fault but my own and any pain is my own doing. The thought of losing you is far worse than what I hope for and that, in it self might be the culprit.
With you, there are a lot of things I don't know and I can only trust with that I've been told. I can only cherish times we've had and the times we will have together. Whether it could be or not, I've never regretted what I've done and what we've shared.
You'll always be the one that makes me smile.
I have been sheepishly living for myself for the time being though with you, I seem to change. Others seemingly note of the difference with your presence and I cannot deny it. A few have come to despise what I have become as of result but I love it. It almost seems that I turn into the person I ought to be instead of what they want me to be.
For many reasons, I think it is impossible but for other reasons, I still hope. It is not to your fault but my own and any pain is my own doing. The thought of losing you is far worse than what I hope for and that, in it self might be the culprit.
With you, there are a lot of things I don't know and I can only trust with that I've been told. I can only cherish times we've had and the times we will have together. Whether it could be or not, I've never regretted what I've done and what we've shared.
You'll always be the one that makes me smile.
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