I doubt myself of being able to doubt you

Perched upon a bedrock of unknowing assumptions, I see nothing in front of me. Memories flicker amongst the creeping mist in which I would seemingly disappear. At this point, options that render the possibility of closure would either be waiting out the mist to pass or unperching myself from this bedrock of torture.

Either path that I will have to choose, there is only me to blame, whether it be an addict to hopelessness or being too blind to digest the dose of reality. I am only left hanging, reminding myself of the possibility, reminding myself of the pain I succumb to in self punishment.

You don't have to worry for I shall not blame you, only resulting in the obvious villainization to be able get 'my feet back on the ground'. If there has ever been one thing that I wanted with you, it's honesty.

If it isn't me, it will be someone else, life moves on while mine only lingers. My only wish is for your happiness, regardless whether my presence is part of the picture. I hate that I subconsciously doubt you while I consciously trust you out of willingness to believe you. Is it trust or blind faith, a question which I am yearning to answer for the benefit of my own doing.

It is perhaps to a few reasons that you are not able to do this, keeping true to the words in which you speak. Perhaps, it is to my benefit by doing so but benefits are not suppose to dangle and torture. I have nothing but preconceived notions on what tomorrow will bring yet I do not know what the future holds. Maybe my actions will bring closure, perhaps it might be the end.

I'll try not to hope. I'll try not to be disappointed and by that I mean, even if I am, you will never know.